After so much I've been thru during this 9 months,

Those guys who are around that I can see,

No matter how I try to look in them, I only see they have intention,

Somehow I just feel so. Seriously, I have no idea.

I just don't understand what for so crazy after you?

& you're like after others & moved on like hell long ago?

But yet I'm still staying at the past? What the F is wrong v me?

I just can't stop loving you, missing you & crying after you.

Esp the past few day, reminds me lots bout you due to CNY & Vday.

I don't think I'm over you. I can't. The feelings towards you are still so strong.

I seem like I'm having fun v friends, but I think of you every night

Even in my dreams, you're there. =(

I have no idea why I'm so crazy after you.
People are like saying me that I'm insane. Lol.
They just didn't know how much I miss how much I love you
& how much I need you back.
Perhaps, you didn't know too right?

Broken Vday.

Today's family reunion dinner.

You brought me back last year, & Now I'm wondering,

Will you bring a new girl back this year? I'm envy :( Hmmm.

This morning, I thought of you at the first thing once I woke up.

I've no idea. Out of sudden, you just pop up in my mind, I miss you.

Esp tomorrow, its Vday. I miss playing v you at the beach last year.

Idk why even if there are ppl dating me for 2mrw, I just feel like I want you.

Sigh. Why am I just can't stop thinking bout you?

Esp the Vday surprise present you gave me.

I just really couldn't stand it anymore. I don't wanna keep missing you like this.

Day after day, you know its really so hurtful?

I want you to be by my side once again, Alvin.

Esp my birthday.

I'll never forget my sweet 16 you gave me.

You surprised me darn amazing.

I wish you could tell me once again that..

"Without the love inside the ring, it will never be locked,

Just like without my love inside, you'll never be fulfilled"

You remember you've once said that?

I'll never forget. :(

& you're so romantic to give me this necklace,

just like the Stairway to Heaven's necklace.

You treated me so good, & now.. I can't get you off from my mind.

Its just another day.

With every passing day,

People take a step away from their past,

It's true, but for me,

With every passing day,

I bury you deeper into my heart.

As time passes by,

We'll slowly forget,

But with every passing second,

My regrets just adds on.

Everyday, the sun will still shine,

Rain will still fall,

Just like my love for you,

It'll always remain strong.

In life, we meet new people,

And new rooms are made in our hearts,

But when I met you,

You went in and everyone else dropped out.

I left my heart to be with you,

Hoping you'd never break it,

I know you didn't,

Instead you shattered it.

You took my dreams,

Destroying them one by one,

I never blamed you,

Because it's of no use,

Now there's no more, none..

And these memories keep pulling me back,

To the happiness I once had.

Not Over You.

Finally you're here after a month 4 days I didn't see you.

Glad to see you, the feelings were always there,

Esp when you're right beside me, have you ever realized?

Hmmm..

How can you stop the rain from falling?

How can I stop calling your name in my heart?

How can you stop the star from shining?

How can I erase my memories?

How can you make the sun rise?

How can I stop loving you?

When? When you gonna turn back & look into me?

And when? When can I get over you?

I don't understand, why do I care so much?

Why I do feel so jealous bout it?

How come I sudd feel like I'm just a simple girl who means nothing to you?

I have no idea. But seems like.. I've been real unlucky.

Sometimes there are things I'm just saying, I don't really mean it,

Esp complaining bout you, somehow, always ended up.. you misunderstood me.

Hmm, I guess I've learnt a lesson this time.

My love to you is like a tattoo, its permanent. *Rmb I said this before 2 yrs ago?

I mean it & I'll prove this.

I've been waiting for 8 months 12 days,

& still I'll keep waiting.

I miss the old you.

I can't believe I actually did all this.
I stitched, planned a bday surprise, burnt fingers lighting up candles,

Sent cupcakes to Bangi to surprise you, bought you Christmas gift & I cut. :l

Took me 3 weeks. For your 19th bday.

What for I cut for you?

Its all because.. I'm still loving you.

The best feeling is to see your msg when I'm awake,

I've been waited for so long.

Was so so happy this morning, woke up & I actually received a msg from you,

Seriously, I tot I was just dreaming. But again & again I pinched myself,

I'm not dreaming ;D Was so happy, I didn't even get to sleep back.

Best of all when you talked to me, esp to receive your call or texts. :D

All my day I spent with wondering,

Why am I still here?

Why don't I move on?

And then I realised,

I'm the one who don't want to move on,

Because if I move on where do I go?

I was in love with you and still the feelings never go

And it won't go no matter how hurt it is!

Friends are telling me "Life must go on".

Well, everybody said that,

But I don't wanna go on,

I can't go on.

I've been in the pain lately,

And crying all day & night,

Because of something that is so stupid and simple?

I'm not being myself almost 9 months,

I forgot how happy to be me when I'm v you, how to be loved & missed,

I'm just not the one I was to be.

Its simple and fast to be in love,

And its so hard and take so long to forget love. WHY?

When will you come back, Alvin Bok?

Perhaps you totally forgot bout me, esp feelings towards me? :(

If I never knew you, I wouldn't like you,
If I don't like you, I wouldn't love you,
If I don't love you, I wouldn't miss you but I did, I do, I will.

I tried my best not to like you,
I tried my best not to miss you,
Because loving you knowing I'd hurt myself,
Because missing you made me cry.

I don't know how many times people say be patient to wait,
But how long more I've to wait?
How long I'll be hoping?
Why don't you realise it?

I got tired of waiting
I got tired of missing you. ;(
And when will you realise?
That you're the one who make me waiting,
That you're the one who make me missing.

I tried so hard not to cry,
I tried so hard to smile.
But still I can't hold my tears,
But still I can't smile when I'm alone & you're not around.

And in the end,
I'm the one who really hurt,
I'm the one who miss you the most.
And I'm the one who will keep waiting.

I find myself way so wrong,

How come I just can't open my heart for those who are there for me?

How come I totally can't feel anything on them?

Even I tried to get v them, its like.. no matter what I think of you.

I'm way way too wrong to make this decision.

I tried someone to replace you, then I realised...

Nobody will get to replace you cause I'm used to you,

& nobody can sacrifice & love me like you have ever did for me.

I love you lots, If you would be mine again, I guarantee to give you the best,

& appreciate you to the max, I wouldn't break my promise like ..

I did esp on the 3rd time & I myself ruined my own happiness. :(

Still I love you the most, you should know, nobody can replace you.

I admit I'm being real emo recently.

Everyday I just couldn't stop missing, esp today.

What is so wrong?

As tears rolled down while I was writing lots & lots ;(

(29.1.10) ; Alvin Bok, I miss you, come back?

What they're talking bout, reminds me lots bout what we had before.

Surprises you gave me during Vday, bday & anniversary.

& several times whenever I said yes, I miss you, I wish you're here,

Then you asked me to open the door & I can see you.

I opened the door, & you're really standing outside there. Thats so sweet of you.

& during anniversary, I got home & you're hiding behind my room's door.

Like I said before, now everything changed.

I do miss the moments we had before esp YOU, Alvin Bok.

But who knows bout this? Who understands how I feel?

Well, I don't know why I just couldn't let you go/forget bout you.

It's like today, I've been waited for 8 months 7 days already.

Knowing you gonna think I'm being silly.

You just didn't know I do love you lots, hoping someday you could come back again.

My mistakes, my bad, I'll try my best. Really I will. :l

I just wanna prove to you that.. I'm the only girl who loves you lots until today.

After so long.

I love you yet I'm sorry.
This is the 3rd time you left dy. ;(

Missing you.

Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! Alvin!

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I MISS YOU!

Everyday i'm calling your name,

you just can't hear it and yet you won't be here too. ='(

Stop me from missing you every night,

lying down on da bed typing and sob here.

Miss you.

I miss you. Am lying down on bed. Just couldn't stop missing you. Flash back to da memories. You're da one I really spend my life v. Cause you understand me well. But I guess you tolerate me lots til you couldn't stand it anym. I miss da feelings of having you beside me. Hugged me, the warmth. Or the time when you're making fun of me. Miss all dy moments bii. I wish I could still call you this one day. :(

I feel so LIFELESS.

Hmm, no matter what I do, I think of you. Sigh.

Can't you just get off from my mind?

Suffering keep missing you & I don't even get to see/talk to you.

Wonder how're you now? What you're doing?

Get a new relationship? No feelings, I don't feel like to.

I'm not desperate for guys, I don't need a new relationship.

Its just I have no idea how to forget bout you.

What's the point keep missing you? I just don't understand.

No matter what I do, or I see, or whenever I'm sad or happy, the first thing..

I think of you! When will you talk to me? or at least care bout me?

Hmmmm. Day after day, I miss you even more, Alvin.

I see that all the guys are like playful s well?

I don't know.

Somehow, I just can't find another person who are so similar like you.

But, I guess they're right? If I find another one just like you,

then I'm like using that person to replace you & its not fair for the person.

Sometimes I wish, how great you would just stay.

Knowing its actually impossible. I'm stucked, locked, can't find my way out.