I'm sorry for everything I've said before.
Now I know no matter what I said I can't get you back,
cause I can see that, you don't wanna talk about it.
So, hmm. I'm happy at least you willing to let me overnight & spent time v me.
Well, I'll still wait for your answer.
But no matter what's ur decision. I will still keep loving you.
Proven this 7 months, I'm still waiting and loving you. Like I said,
not even interested on others or find new love.
Cause I don't want to & I don't wanna be v other guy v no feelings
& thinking bout you in my mind.
I know you don't wanna see me emo, you hate see-ing me cry,
cause each time i cried, i made u frustrated. I'm sorry.

Well, all this I'm typing here,
Hoping someday you'll understand.

All this while, I've been blogging here,
I'm like talking to myself, blog or wall.. lol? Sigh?
I'm wondering if I should stop blogging or should I show you?
Last time, keep hoping you'll find this blog.
But now I rather you not to.

You know its the best of all on 22nd Dec 09 night,
I did not expect you could tell me you could actually be v me.
Yea, in my heart, I'm very happy cause finally.. I have waited for exactly 7 months.
But yet, I dare not agree on the spot, I'm afraid you might not be happy
v me, cause I rather see you happy.
Somehow, thank you for giving me another chance.
Tho you have conditions, at first I'm not really happy with it.
But later on, what for I request so much? isn't that's good enough you actually
agree to be with me?

Yes, I'm sorry. I told Feon & Fennie, cause I was kinda happy,
I wish I could just slightly share it v them,
I didn't expect you to find out, but you gave me the last chance,
you're real good enough to me, & you're right.
I should be smart enough to know I can't hide secrets from you. I promise.

Finally, christmas eve, you're here v me for the whole day,
but if I know this could happened, I shall not drag you out. I regretted now
I hate myself for saying that, I totally can't believe I actually said so.
I feel so sorry, & because of that we ended.
At first I thought we're not over yet, cause you're saying that..
you're just making second thoughts.

But later on, you don't respond back anything sweet to me anymore.
I'm so disappointed & regret.
sp when you said you missed me, I can even feel so happy till tears dropped.
Can you feel my happiness lies on you?
I didn't expect this to end so fast, okay, Alright, I know you told me not to
take this too seriously, its myself for not making this statement clear perhaps?
I've waited 7 months, Alvin. 7 months...
I've finally waited for that chance dy but just because of what i said wrongly,
& everything ended.
Most of the time you give me chance, somehow there are something that I do & ruined everything. Why am I so messed up? Why can't I just appreciate the chance that you give me? Why must I be such a failure? Or I just don't deserve you?

Like today, I tried asking you,
but you don't even bother my question.
Yea, we're happy whenever I'm not emo. & that's why..
I take this chance to ask you.
I think I can already see your answer.
I'm sorry for always being emo, its just because..
I didn't know this could end up so fast. I thought I can at least spent
some time together v you tho nobody knows bout it.
Even you're sweet v me like last week also I'm happy enough.
Its better than now, even if I said I love you, you won't respond back anymore.
You won't be there telling me you miss me or you love me.
Or should I be glad enough that at least you still come over sometimes?

Sometimes I'm trying to tell you how I feel,
But I know I gonna end up crying,
& turn you down again. I'm sorry.
Last night you willing to stay whole night v me, I should be happy.
Thank you.


I never regret loving you because even if you don't love me anymore, I know that you once did and that is the most wonderful feeling because I think I just deserve yous love. I'm so sorry for backstabbing & cursed you before. I did so, so I deserve to get this repay.

Onlining at E-gate now, wait for 12am sharp,
just to send you comment & blog
Well, cupcakes were safely sent to Bangi :P
I wonder will you be real surprised & happy tonight?
I wonder how they gonna surprise you?
I wonder how would you feel? Hm?
But well, hope you had a really great birthday celebration.
Happy Birthday, Alvin!

I love you,
wish I could tell you in front of you. =l
But too bad, hope you can feel my love.

Great new perhaps?
Am kinda happy today when the person replied me.
Hehs, He agreed to help me :D

Hope everything works out.

6 months 20 days.

The first day you left to KL, & you gonna be back after one week,
Still gotta wait a week plus ni can see you? Hehs, nvm.
Ee-Jon suddenly texted today, saying YH not going, plan might not work out.
Hmm? Was kinda headache about it.
Just planned the band to celebrate together v you, hope you gonna be happy.
But will you get mad of me if you find out its me that asked so? Hope not.
Probably they couldn't get to buy cake.
& I just went Queens & asked all the bakery shop bout delivering to KL.
Disappointed mostly they don't have this kind of term,
I found one tho but they can't help me with what I requested.
Hmm, but I'm searching thru online now, managed to find a few.
Wondering if they will reply me telling me they could make it? How great huh?
Still waiting. Hope things work out. (:

I'm sorry if you don't like me doing this.
Just I wish I could do something for you for once.
Hoping you won't know, as long I keep you happy v life.


Finally I got your christmas present!
Spent kinda lots, wonder will you like it? Hope yes? Hehs.

6 months 18 days.

You may not have heard me speak to you that I love you,

but the way I look into your eyes,

the way I smile when I'm with you,

and the way that my heart feels when you are near,

all speaks of what best describes the love that I feel.

***

Glad enough to see you today tho the two tickets were wasted.

Felt touched, that you actually came over still when you're like dead tired.

& I'm always happy to see you smiling (:

Yet, you always give me the best feelings after all.

6 months 16 days.

Well, unexpected day?
At first was kinda down for the day, keep thinking bout you.
Was wondering when can I see you.
Hoping how great if you could just come over today.
But really.. surprisingly, you called.. I tot I heard wrongly when my phone rang.
Tot was just my laptop media playing. But its actually really you calling. :D:D
Was so happy you actually called & you're coming over. Hehs.
Heart beats so fast. Usual reaction whenever you text or called.


Tot you're leaving to Europe tonight, like.. out of sudden?
Later on ni realized how could this be? lols
& aww, you're actually not gonna leave here. Hehs.
But frankly, still gonna miss you, perhaps gonna wait for weeks?
Hope you really take care over there. (:

Was kinda worry to see you got sunburn,
you must be suffering under the hot sun,
pray hard hoping recently the sky will be cloudy instead of sunny.

I gotta get prepare for exam later.
Gonna stop here, & I'm whispering to you :
Good night :D

There is one thing I noticed,
whenever I see you & whenever I wanna call you,
I always accidentally wanted to call you Bii instead of Alvin.
Luckily I manage to stop myself before calling it out.
But I really miss calling you that.

6 months 15 days.

Suddenly you left, suddenly the promise of love has gone.

Why do I love you?

Can't go back, can't erase, Esp your smiling face, I can't think of any but you.

Sometimes I wonder, all this long, have you ever missed me?

I remember you've told me that your first priority is to marry me. Engage?

Lol, everything just fade away like this.

When our love seems to fade away,

Listen to me, hear what I say, Alvin,

I don't wanna feel the way I do, just wanna be right beside,

Don't wanna see everything go apart,

But, just wanna say straight from my heart, I miss you.

I tried to read, I watched series, I'm laughed v my friends,

Still just can't stop from thinking.

Tot could get to see you yest,

but again you couldn't make it, hmm

Well, I didn't see you online & I'm wondering what you're doing there.

In my mind, I guess you're real busy, kinda worry are you real tired out there?

I wish I could get to care for you more.

6 months 14 days.

People are telling me stuff again.
Tho I knew what's happening out there, but I pay no mind on what people say.
I really don't wanna believe it.
I'm willing to sacrifice, but sometimes I wonder is this all I really want?
I have no idea. Everyday I keep waiting for you.
& I always wear a smile on my face whenever I received your texts.
But then I realized sometimes I ended up being disappointed.
Somehow, I won't stop loving you.

Two more days to my exam,
Tot might can accompany me, cause I wish once I finish my exam,

The first person I can see is you & I wanna share with you how's everything.
But too bad, Sigh, you're not gonna be around.

Last Friday is finally over, I'm actually feeling real disappointed.
I find myself useless,
Cause this took me lots of time to plan & settle down, just did not expect this to happen.
How could I be like such a dumb head can't even light up all the candles?
This is the first & also the last time already, so I just want this to be great & you to be happy.
Sigh, No matter what, I already did my part now.
As long you're happy I'll be happy.


Recently, I find myself keep thinking bout you,
even before I sleep & early in the morning when I'm awake,
the worst part is even in my dreams I always see you,
A lot of the past memories are still in my mind, I can't get you out of my mind
Esp those memories we had, whenever I close my eyes I seems to see a rerun of it.
Most of the time, no matter what I do, you're always thought in a special way.
I always wonder what are you doing there, have you taken your lunch/dinner,
or are you having fun around with your friends.


You actually left few months here,
You won't have much time out there for me too,
I just hope to spend every precious time with you before you leave.
But I don't get to see you often, you won't hold me like before,
you won't be there for me whenever I need you like before,
I know its all the past, tho I know I can't have my wish granted,
At least I'm lucky enough to be part of your life before.
Time really flies, & we have already been separated for months & soon you gonna leave


How could I still keep your words in my mind?
Like, I can come back once, why not twice? / We're just separating not breaking up.
People do change, people do change their mind often.
I'm the one who keeps sticking to the past.
What if you knew bout this is in my mind, probably what you gonna think?

But I guess I knew the answer?
Frankly, its just that I put too much love in it, that's what makes me feel so difficult now.
Well, like my mum always say. "Must always give & take"
I understand what she is trying to tell me, but one thing I truly agree with her probably.
"When you love someone, not necessary you must have him,
but to wish him to be happy always"


If this is what you feel comfortable with, I won't force.
However, I will always be there for you whenever you need me,
Tho we can't be together, but you will always always be in my heart.