Flash back.

In this world I know you never try leaving me alone,
But there's no other way, we are not meant to be together actually?
You left. The memories ease the pain inside.
All the memories keep you near to me, imagine you're right beside.
Silent whispers, silent tears, nobody knows.
Together in all these memories, I see your smile. At least it reminds me again worth it all.

***
2008

You're right beside me all the time esp when I was darn down & was hurt-ed.
You never give up on me no matter how bad I treated you before.
Still you're supporting me silently behind.
At least I did not made the wrong decision to go with you at the end (:
You showed me whats love & you made me fall deep in for you.
You cooked for me, you fetched me to school, you take good care of me, you always
think of stuff to put a smile on my face. I'll never forget you getting me ice-cream
whenever I'm down. You told me you'll always get me the sweetest ice-cream
so I will always be the sweetest girl.

4 months 3 days without you

I can't stop loving you & I've made up my mind.
I rather choose to live in memory of the lonesome time.
I can't stop wanting you, It's useless to say. So I'll just live my life in dreams of yest.
Those happy hours that we once knew tho months ago, memories still make me blue.
They say that its time to move on but time has stood still tho we've been apart.

I can't stop loving/missing you.

Without you in my life but you're still in my mind, Alvin.
Nothing ever feels alright when you're not v me anymore, I'm tired of being alone.
Why don't you just come back? Because I miss you so & I want you to know.
Sometimes I wish you could just kill me so I don't have to keep missing you.

There are times I say I'll hate you. I shout & curse you out.
But I always have the love for you.
I love you lots yet I wanna hate you but I seems to fail.
I'm stuck & I can't get you out of my mind. The pain is real even nobody knows.
& I'm crying/bleeding inside.

***

I miss you.
Another tearful night turns into another sleepless night.

4 months.

Well, 4 months passes by again with just like a blink of an eye.
See? You left for 4 months dy. Time flies.
But I'm still holding this back, I flashed back our a year anniversary.
You told me you were going to water splash festival.
& you pretended you forgot our a year anniversary. Well, that's sad. Lol.
I went back home by myself & I seriously miss the part you're hiding behind my room's door.
Since the day you left me, I always wish one day you could hide behind my door
& gave me a surprise telling me you're back here waiting for me.

Everyday I'm back home, I flashed back the moment,
whenever I look at my room's door. Hoping one day I could see you here.

Yea, we bumped into each other today,
tho its just like a few seconds but I'm happy to see you,
& I still feel the same esp when my heart beats fast.

22nd Sept 09. 4 months

Because I'm a girl.

No matter how I wait, I cant go

Whenever I see you I can't stand to cry.

You didn't know me crying, Are you telling me to forget bout you?

I miss you.

To the point where I hate myself

I want to cry.. I want to kneel down

And if only everything didnt happen..

The memories where I loved you crazily..

Those memories haunt me

But i cant hide from this love any longer

I shouldn't do this

But i miss you to death.

Northam.

I have been waiting to see you around for months.
I wish to bump into you somewhere but never once I seems to bump into you.
I was disappointed I tot I wouldn't get to see you anymore.
But surprisingly, I bumped into you today.
I was surprised to see you standing in front of me out of sudden when I turned around.
How I wish I get to jump up to hug you. My heart was beating fast.
I have the feeling like not letting you go when I see you walked away but I have to.

12th Sept 09. Northam Beach Cafe.

They say it takes time to get over serious relationships
But I’ve been waiting patiently, I’m still stuck on you
I still picture your face smiling at me,
I’ve made a big mistake, And now I’ve got to face the consequences of my actions.
I know that it’s been hard on you, I know it’s hard to trust me,
I wish I had the chance to show you, You mean the world to me and that’s the truth
I don’t wanna be with no one else, I want you by my side. :'(

I wish you're back.

How I wish you're mine again?

I miss you more & more, day by day. But not letting you know.

As I'm looking back at our pictures, tears roll down my eyes.

I just can't help it whenever I miss you.

Sometimes I wish you never appear so I won't meet you,

But you existed & I already met you & I fall for you. I miss you

& I will always do. Who says it is better to have loved and lost than never

to have loved at all? I kinda wish I have never fall in love.

I had to live my life without you, the days are so empty,

The nights seems so long. V you I see forever & yet so clear.

I have been in love before, but it never feels so strong.

I miss you Alvin, I wish you're back by my side.