I tried my best, I feel so bad before for not behaving well.
I knew my tuitions' fees cost a lot.
So that's why this year, I didn't ask money for school pocket money,
school fees, & books s well, I paid by myself using own salary.
Even house electricity bill I pay extra fifty for each month.
I feel bad, I don't wanna burden you that much too.
Somehow, I'm trying to study harder. I'm stuck v books everyday.
You yourself see it too whenever you're back from work.
But why? Why keep complaining to people that I don't study & I'm like so free?
& nag me everyday. But right in front of your eyes, I'm studying.
I know I complain & blame you even when I'm at the wrong side.
I feel so sorry. The point is now whenever I try to be better,
how come there must be something bad happen? I feel so sucky.
& Bout him, its not like I want him to leave me.
Like you said so, if he doesn't love me, no point I force him to be v me.
Let him decide, I don't have the rights.
You knew bout it, but why everytime you must talk something hurtful to me bout it?
Anyhow, I dare not keep asking him to come over & help us v stuff.
He won't always be here, I got to settle stuff by myself.
Last time at least his always there to help s a boyf.
But everything changed now, His not mine, his not like before.
I'm improving myself to show you.
I don't want ended up like scolding, crying, ignoring & so on.
It's not like I don't wanna fix up the darn printer & desktop.
Today, out of sudden, I got beaten & scolded by you in front of so many ppl.
Its hurtful, tho might be part of my fault if you said so.
Not allow to stay home unless I fix it? Not allowed to eat? Sigh.
I feel so down, or this is all my own fault? Idk.
So headache, how am I gonna explain tonight? :(
I need you badly, somehow you just can't be here.
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